A helicopter was flying around above Seattle recently, when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to navigate to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to get to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how that STUPID sign from that building helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Favorite bumper sticker

We are MICROSOFT. Resistance if futile. You will be assimilated

Post Script (hmmmm....I always thought Bill Gates was an alien!)

A man dies and is greeted by St. Peter at the gates of Heaven.

"Well, I don't have much data on you, please tell me what you've done that you makes you think you belong in Heaven," St. Peter said.

"Three Hell's Angels types had stopped a car with a woman in it. I stopped my car and ran up to them. I told them that if they didn't leave immediately, I would stomp them and send them home with their tails between their legs."

St. Peter raised his eyebrows sceptically and asked, "..and, when did this happen?"

The man replies, glancing at his watch, "About two minutes ago."

A young officer is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the General standing by the classified-document shredder in the hallway, with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Why, yes, sir," says the young officer proud of this fortuitous opportunity to make points. He turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.

PAUSE

"Now," says the General, "I think I'll need 5 copies..."

Separately, two silver-haired women entered a restaurant for lunch. Each caught the other's look of joyful recognition--having been college mates 50 years earlier.

They spent the afternoon laughing and reminiscing. Then one looked at the other in obvious embarrassment. "I hate to say this," she confessed, "but what is your name?"

The other one looks thoughtful for a moment, then asked ruefully, "How soon do you need to know?"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the livingroom.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?"one of his friends asked.

"That's the talking clock", the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said, then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall,

"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!